Spring

and my face gladdens
rising arch of yellow
daffodil smile

John McDonald said...: super
john; March 27, 2010
Spiros Zafiris said...: ..hi diana l.>..

..this is a remarkable haiku
..but myself, i never bought
this Western Haiku argument that removing articles strenghtens a haiku..i easily see:

and my face gladens
rising arc of yellow
a daffodil smile

or even:

and my face gladens
a rising arc of yellow
this daffodil smile
-----------

..but please forgive my rambling..for i love your haiku..

..spiros
-------; March 27, 2010
diana l. said...: Thank you both.

And I don't view it as rambling at all, Spiros. Actually, I tend to think in implied dashes (as if there would be a dash after "yellow" in this particular case) versus in articles. It's not an intentional thing, and some haiku poets on this site advise me often to use them more, so you're in good company. :); March 27, 2010
Spiros Zafiris said...: ..thanks diana..i think i was always aware of intended dashes but now i'll be even more sensetive to catch them..but we must always dwell on the overall
harmony/melody and wonder if an indefinite article will better serve a poem's
lyricism..but the poem above is clear evidence that
a poem may magnificently sing with intended dashes

..spiros
----------; March 28, 2010
Spiros Zafiris said...: ..oops, i meant to say "implied"..: a poem may magnificently sing with
implied dashes..!

..spiros
------------; March 28, 2010
diana l. said...: Thank you, Spiros.; March 28, 2010

Spring Haiku