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Tiring the heart--
mountains and ocean
too much beauty

---Santōka
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8 comments:

Diane said...

Opinion needed: would this be better in a simpler version?

in tears
in front of the store
--his horsey gone

I'm thinking yes.

Alan Summers said...

Hi Diane,

Is it technically called a "horsey"?

Or maybe something along the lines of:

carousel horse
front of the goods store
a child in tears


???

What is the plain prose account behind your haiku?

all my best,

Alan
.

Diane Mayr said...

My haiku had been a bit longer when I asked the question above. The comment didn't appear for many, many hours, and in that time I decided that the shortened version was better, so I changed the haiga and uploaded it again. With a picture, the extra text was unnecessary. Of course, without the picture, it probably doesn't make a lot of sense!

Plain prose account? A preschooler goes to the grocery store every week and rides on the little carousel. One week he shows up and the carousel is gone. The amusement vendor has taken it away--repair? replacement? complete removal? In any case, his little heart is broken because his "horsey" is gone.

Thanks for your input.

Alan Summers said...

Hi Diane,

I remember the longer version. ;-)

Perhaps there's a haibun here as well?

all my best,

Alan

Diane Mayr said...

I've never considered writing haibun. I always associated it with travel and a sense of place, and I don't travel much! ;-)

Alan Summers said...

Hi Diane,

Haibun has become a generic term for "haiku prose" and haiku.

There were many different types of diary keeping.

The story of the boy going to the grocery on a regular basis and taking advantage of a carousel outside is a good bit of place and time writing aka memoir.

I think you should go for it! ;-)

If you have one or more haiku see if you can have them only indirectly linked to the main prose.

I will be very interested in seeing the final result.

all my best,

Alan

Diane Mayr said...

It stands in front of the grocery store delighting hundreds of preschoolers who have yet to be introduced to the big rides at an amusement park. Every week, the ordeal of grocery shopping is made bearable by the promise of a ride. And then, one day, it is gone. For weeks afterward the store manager gets the same question, When is the merry-go-round coming back?


an offered box
of animal crackers
--no horses

Alan Summers said...

I love it!!!!

Well done, and what a vivid scene and memory you have captured.

I would never have thought of a merry-go-round outside a grocery store.

Thank you for this wonderful snapshot and haibun.

all my very best,

Alan