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Tiring the heart--
mountains and ocean
too much beauty

---Santōka
____________________________
exactly in between
my nightmare and the rain
a door open

tepat di antara
hujan dan mimpi burukku
pintu terbuka

7 comments:

David said...

i love this poem.

i wonder do you mean

in between
my nightmare and the rain
an open door


in between
my nightmare and the rain -
a door opens

in between
my nightmare and the rain
an door open


great haiku here

David

Wahyu W. Basjir said...

The first one, David. Still i'm in doubt about grammatical correctness in my haiku. I meant "open" as an adjective, instead of a verb. Should i put the third line as it is ( a door open) or "an open door"?

Any suggestion?

David said...

I like this a lot. Pre-modifying the noun makes the haiku flow. If you were to post-modify 'door' i think you would add an unnecessary complexity to the haiku.

just a thought!!

in between
my nightmare and the rain
an open door


really good one.

David

Wahyu W. Basjir said...

I see. Thx so much Dave. May I just take your version to replace the original version and give you a credit?

John McDonald said...

love it

David said...

its yours!!

diana l. said...

Very compelling.