exactly in between
my nightmare and the rain
a door open
tepat di antara
hujan dan mimpi burukku
pintu terbuka
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Tiring the heart--
mountains and ocean
too much beauty
---Santōka
mountains and ocean
too much beauty
---Santōka
____________________________
Spring Haiku
Author Archive
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6 comments:
i love this poem.
i wonder do you mean
in between
my nightmare and the rain
an open door
in between
my nightmare and the rain -
a door opens
in between
my nightmare and the rain
an door open
great haiku here
David
The first one, David. Still i'm in doubt about grammatical correctness in my haiku. I meant "open" as an adjective, instead of a verb. Should i put the third line as it is ( a door open) or "an open door"?
Any suggestion?
I like this a lot. Pre-modifying the noun makes the haiku flow. If you were to post-modify 'door' i think you would add an unnecessary complexity to the haiku.
just a thought!!
in between
my nightmare and the rain
an open door
really good one.
David
I see. Thx so much Dave. May I just take your version to replace the original version and give you a credit?
its yours!!
Very compelling.
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